When They Forget: Understanding the True Face of Dementia

How to Care for Parents with Dementia at Home

There comes a day when the roles begin to reverse.

Your mother forgets your name.
Your father stares at you like a stranger.
And in that one blink, you realize...
The people who once built your world are slowly forgetting theirs.

This isn’t forgetfulness.
This isn’t normal aging.
This is dementia.
And it’s here.
And it hurts.

What Dementia Really Is — And Why It’s Not Just Memory Loss

Dementia isn’t a disease you can point to.
There’s no fever. No rash.
It comes quietly, like fog — slowly covering all that was once clear.

At first, they forget names.
Then, how to wear a shirt.
How to chew.
How to find the bathroom.

Dementia is not forgetfulness. It’s the slow unmaking of a person.

Inside the brain, cells die. Thoughts tangle. Time folds.

And the person you love begins to fade — not just from memory, but from function, from self.

Dementia is an umbrella term for conditions such as:

• Alzheimer’s Disease
• Vascular Dementia
• Lewy Body Dementia
• Frontotemporal Dementia

Imagine waking up in your own home, but nothing looks familiar.
You don’t know where the bathroom is.

Everyone around you looks like strangers.

That’s what a day with dementia feels like.

They may forget facts — but they still feel the feelings.

Confusion. Fear. Anger. Loneliness. Love.

Can We Care for Them at Home?

In India, we often believe:

“Love is enough. I will take care of them, no matter what.”

And we mean it.
But dementia doesn’t follow culture. It follows biology.

Caring for a parent with dementia at home is possible — but it demands more than just love.
Here’s a basic checklist to help you build a safe, structured, and loving environment at home.

How to Create a Dementia-Friendly Home

1. Make the House Memory-Friendly

• Secure exits: Install locks and alarms — wandering is common and dangerous.
• Label doors and spaces: Use clear signs and icons (e.g., 🚻 for the bathroom).
• Remove hazards: No loose rugs, glass tables, or sharp corners.
• Add night lighting: Especially near hallways and toilets.

2. Stick to a Daily Routine

• Fixed times for meals, bathing, walks, naps, and bedtime.
• Repetition = emotional safety.
• Use short, kind sentences:

Instead of “Let’s take a bath and then eat,”
say, “Come. Bath first. Then food.”

3. Support Personal Care with Dignity

• Help with dressing and bathing without infantilizing them.
• Choose easy-wear clothing: velcro, elastic, soft fabrics.
• Serve soft, familiar food : things they’ve loved all their life.

4. Fill Their World with Familiarity

• Play old songs, especially bhajans or classics they loved.
• Keep family photos with names.
• Involve them in rituals: aarti, lighting a diya, or listening to bells.
• Offer gentle touch: a hand to hold, a warm hug — it speaks louder than words.

Let’s Talk Honestly

You love them.
But some nights, you’ll cry in the bathroom.
You’ll feel angry.
You’ll feel ashamed.
You’ll feel alone.

You’ll cancel vacations. Miss work. Sleep half-awake.
You’ll answer the same question 23 times.
You’ll be called “Uncle” by the person who gave birth to you.

This isn’t just heartbreaking.

It’s exhausting.

When Home Isn’t Enough Anymore

There comes a time when:

• They fall too often.
• They stop recognizing the toilet.
• They stop recognizing the toilet.
• They scream, hit, or wander at night.
• They no longer know who you are.

This isn’t failure.

It’s the next step in care.

And sometimes, the kindest thing you can do… is to let professionals help.

How Dementia Care Homes/Assisted Living facility Can Help

1. Round-the-Clock Medical Attention

• Trained dementia nurses detect medical signs you might miss.
• Medications are never forgotten.
• You no longer worry about side effects, missed pills, or emergencies at 2 a.m.

2. A Purpose-Built Environment

• Anti-slip floors, secured exits, low beds, wheelchair access.
• Night staff and emergency alarms.
• Everything designed for dementia safety and comfort.

3. Structured Days That Soothe the Soul

• Music therapy, painting, gardening, storytelling, prayer circles.
• Gentle routines that offer security.
• Social interaction with peers on the same journey — your parent no longer feels “different.”

Home Care vs Dementia Care Homes

Aspect	Home Care	Dementia Care Homes
Environment	Familiar, personal	Designed for dementia
Caregiver Presence	Limited; depends on family	24/7 professional care
Supervision	May have gaps	Continuous, round-the-clock
Medical Support	Home visits, if arranged	On-site, immediate response
Social Interaction	Needs planning	Built-in peer groups
Activities	Depends on caregiver	Therapeutic, daily schedule
Safety Features	Varies, needs setup	Pre-installed, dementia-proof
Transition Support	May need a move later	Can support end-stage dementia

Conclusion

• Home care works best for early-stage dementia with strong family support.
• Dementia care homes offer advanced support, consistency, and safety for later stages.

Final Thought

Our parents once cared for us when we couldn’t walk, talk, or feed ourselves.
Now, as dementia returns them to that helplessness, it’s our turn.

Sometimes that means staying up all night.
Sometimes that means letting go of pride… and choosing professional care.

Choosing a memory care home isn’t giving up.

It’s stepping up.
It’s choosing love over ego.
Presence over pressure.
Peace over pride.

And when you visit them — and they smile, even without knowing who you are —
you’ll feel it.

They are safe.
They are cared for.
They are still loved.

🏠 Avana Senior Care: A Place to Remember, Even When Memories Fade

If you’re looking for compassionate, professional dementia care in Pune, consider Avana
Senior Care — located in Kiwale, Pune.

Call us at 📞 9090 0707 82 to speak with a care advisor or schedule a visit.

Because love doesn’t end with memory.
And care shouldn’t either.